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Good Intentions for 2021 by a Psychonaut
To test how well we know ourselves, we can ask ourselves some questions. Do you know who you are? Do you know your strengths and weaknesses? Are you proud of what you see when you look at yourself in the mirror? Are you happy with your inner storyteller?
Escaping from the year 2020
The end of the year is a moment of reflection. Looking back on this strange time, to give our emotions a place and to enter the next year with good courage.
I do not think it is a good idea to forget this eventful year as soon as possible. Even if it has not been easy, it is not without reason that we all experienced this. If there is one thing I am grateful for this strange time, it is the chance I have been given to get closer to myself. Now you shouldn't think it's all going smoothly. There are many moments when I still run away from myself, from my shadow side, but also from my inner strength.
Sex & Drugs & Rock 'n Roll
Not having an honest conversation with yourself, you always look for an excuse to avoid the confrontation. Whether this is a new love, throwing yourself into your job, or using a lot of (hard) drugs, such as alcohol, there are many different ways you can escape. This behavior causes you to get further away from yourself and you don't get the chance to get to know yourself better. While that is so valuable!
Partying and forgetting has made way for standing still and observing. With this observing I realized that it is not easy simply to 'be'. I always want to be more, better, happier. Pursuing this happiness and fleeing from what is, became a hopeless hunt in which many of us will recognize ourselves. In what way do you want to live your life?
Still, 'thanks' to this corona time, my life has been simplified many times, in a way much more boring. And what does one do then? Maybe out of boredom, maybe because you see no other way out, you start looking more and more at yourself and at the world that exists in your head. Is it a beautiful, safe place? Is it a dark place full of fear and negative thoughts?
Instead of throwing myself from one party to another, instead of constantly looking for distractions, I stay here, with my doubts and uncertainties. Not to be swallowed up by them, or to sink into a deep pit, but to learn from them and grow as a human being.
Lockdown and finding peace in yourself
This time has been tough for many people, in different areas. When I call or chat with friends I find out that people are very good at looking for other possibilities. Okay, there are no more parties and there is very little to do, so I have to start with a new hobby or that one project that has been asking for attention for a long time. For some people it is easier to slip back into a negative spiral and end up in a depression, for example. However, we can also see this time as a moment when we can grow as human beings and dare to be grateful for what we have, in its simplest form. Okay, you are not happy with what you see in the mirror, you cherish a negative self-image and are uncertain about your future? During this moment of silence, in which we have the opportunity to look at ourselves and our lives, we simply have the chance to observe. Allow and let go of feelings. I like the image of a dining table where I invite my different emotions to sit with me. As friends I let them be there, without wanting to run away from them.
Life lessons thanks to psychedelics
To herald the beginning of the end, the new year coming up, I have noted a number of good intentions. Many of them are based on lessons I have learned from my experiences with psychedelics. For example, my travels with Ayahuasca will always stay with me and I have gained certain insights that I apply on a daily basis. There are also other wisdoms, which I learned during a Magic Truffle trip, for example, that I seem to forget over and over again. Things which I secretly know very well, but which I still refuse to apply. While in the end it would only benefit me, just like the world around me.
Good intentions often have a somewhat negative connotation, as if they are assignments that limit you and that you still can't keep up with. That's why these resolutions are more about things I don't want to do, things I can let go of. For me these resolutions are all about self-love!
Sometimes a life lesson is rather philosophical in nature and its integration can go gradually and sometimes almost unnoticed. Before you know it, your view of the world has changed a little. There are also practical lessons, which you really have to apply consciously in order to work on them. An example for me is stopping certain (hard) drugs and smoking tobacco.
No more running away from myself
Easier said than done. As mentioned before, this time helps me not to run from hot to hot, chased by my own shadow. It is easier to listen better and find the silence to talk to myself. Honesty is an important step in self-development. Dare to look at your less beautiful sides and not hide behind masks and lies.
'Know thyself'. This text is written above the Oracle of Delphi, where the Greek priestess predicts the future of those who ask for it. A wisdom that can only arise when I no longer flee from myself. Psychedelics can be a way to really dare to look yourself in the eye. When I looked in the mirror during a trip, I saw the beauty and at the same time the ugliness of my own existence. And I was able to unite the two in that moment. Humans have a light side and a shadow side. Daring to face both my strength and my weakness gives me the skills I need to navigate through this life.
Accepting myself for who I am
The next step is to accept how we are. This is not an easy task for many people, myself included. There is a lot that I would like to change about myself. During a Mushroom trip it became clear that it is paradoxical to want to change yourself. It goes like this: if I would look like this, if I was not always so shy, if everyone liked me, if I was not so negative then... If you would meet all the demands of yourself, only then would you be able to accept yourself. It is much more logical, as the mushrooms told me, to accept yourself first, before you can work on certain things. By getting to know yourself better and being open to all your (hidden) emotions, masks and uncertainties, growth can occur because space is created. Criticizing yourself only ultimately works as a waste of energy. So sink into your heart and listen to what it has to say!
Taking good care of myself
The next intention already sounds a bit different than the once self-imposed laws for the coming year: to lose an x number of kilos, to run for an hour every day and to follow an eating schedule. Of course this doesn't work and only leads to frustration.
To come to self-love, accepting yourself is the most important basis. From there you can continue working on aspects of your life that you want to let go of because they don't help you, or introducing new habits that contribute to your well-being. This is more tricky, because you can quickly strive for perfection, fall into disappointment and give up. Taking good care of my body and mind means first and foremost accepting myself for how I am. From there I can work on a more positive view of things and walk and experience my life path to the fullest.
Taking good care of the world around me
When you trip, it usually becomes clear by itself: we are intimately connected to our surroundings. Even though you may feel isolated from everyone, lonely or not understood, we are all intertwined. I have noticed that my resistance towards the outside world is a resistance towards myself. By being kind to myself I also start to be kind to the people around me. Beyond that I can also be milder for the planet we all share.
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